*An excerpt from Joe’s book, EXTRAORDINARY RESULTS FOR LIFE: Discover Your Path to Be UN-ordinary (Chapter 27)
AN EPIPHANY
One day as I sat in my chair reading, writing, and meditating, I had an epiphany of sorts. I finally learned what all those years of avoiding solitude was wanting to teach me:
“The reason I was uncomfortable with solitude, was because I wasn’t comfortable with myself.”
I’M FINE
For years I thought I was just fine. Whenever issues arose, I dealt with them whether that required a tough conversation with myself or someone else. At times I would reach out to others for help to work through an issue, but for the most part, I believed I was comfortable with whom I was as a person.
It wasn’t until I pushed myself far beyond my comfort zone and let go of the things that defined me externally that I realized just how much this underlying issue of not wanting to be alone was creating problems in so many other areas of my life.
Spending time alone can be easy if you numb out with food, alcohol, social media, and/or television. It becomes extremely challenging when you sit back, read, and reflect or just sit alone in contemplation. However, there is something very freeing when you cut yourself loose from all those distractions and come to the realization that you are just fine all by yourself.
YOU COMPLETE ME
There is a moment in the movie Jerry Maguire where Tom Cruise is standing in the living room of his almost ex-wife, played by Renee Zellweger, where he utters the second-most remembered line from the entire movie, “You complete me.” That line is then followed by the first-most remembered line from the movie, “Shut up. You had me at hello.” They embrace, they fall back in love, and of course, they live happily-ever-after, just like all the other fairy tale endings.
This is the story so many of us are taught from a very young age. All the talk about one’s promised other-half, better-half, heart’s desire, my love, the one, soulmate, true love, and all the other crap peddled in the name of love that should be labeled for what it is…codependency!
You must be comfortable with yourself before you can be comfortable with someone else. You must bring a whole person into a relationship, not half of person, expecting the other person to complete you and meet all your needs.
COMPLETE YOURSELF
Until I was willing to let go of the need for a significant other, partner, spouse, etc., so I could become a whole person on my own, I was never going to be a great partner for anyone.
Learning to be alone and to reflect on yourself, your life, your purpose, who you are, why you are here, what you want, is essential to becoming a whole person. And when you become a whole person, you realize that you can be comfortable being alone with yourself.
Taking time to experience extraordinary solitude can allow you to look deeply into those areas of your life that are uncomfortable and help you find the doorway to freedom. They represent the pathway toward taking the next big step to living an extraordinary life regardless of which aspect
of your life needs to be examined. In solitude, you will uncover the things that have been holding you back for years.
Extraordinary solitude doesn’t mean you divorce your spouse, break up with your partner, abandon your children, go on a three-month sabbatical, or take a pilgrimage to Mecca. It simply means taking time to be alone, to sit and be with yourself, whether in meditation, contemplative prayer, or whatever other path you choose to get you feeling comfortable being alone with yourself.
It is a foundational process that will take you closer toward living the life you have always wanted…an extraordinary life.
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