“To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.” ~ Lewis B. Smedes
The topic of forgiveness is a prickly one because some folks believe that there are situations in life that not only unforgettable but equally unforgivable.
Regardless of whether you agree or not, I think it begs the question, who really benefits from the process of forgiveness?
Resentment Will Kill You…Eventually
Science has shown that holding onto resentment creates tension, stress, and an overall negative mindset, which is always there running in the background like a virus on your computer. This constant stress and anxiety will eventually wear down your immune system which leads to a whole lot of ailments wreaking havoc on your physical, mental, and emotional health.
A friend of mine once said, “Holding onto resentment is like taking a poisonous pill and waiting for the other person to die!” The quote is attributed to the actor, politician, and playwright, Malachy Court and is a frequently spoken saying in 12-Step Circles. Which makes sense because they believe resentment is the number one killer of all addicts. And yes you can be addicted to resentment or the underlying need it is filling.
To summarize: When you hold onto wrongs you believe were done to you, it does far more damage to you than it does to the other person.
A Path Out & a Critical Question
Each and every one of us needs to make our own decisions about how we choose to live our lives. We are free to choose whatever meaning we wish to apply to the events (both good and bad) that unfold in our lives. Maybe you feel justified in holding onto a past event or circumstance. That’s okay, obviously that just might be where you need need to be at this moment in time. I am not judging anyone.
For those who cannot forgive or let go, they need to ask themselves this one critically important question: How does holding on to this resentment, grudge, serving me? What am I getting out of it.
Most will tell you nothing, which is total b**s***, because by holding onto it, it is filling some need, otherwise they wouldn’t be doing it. I am not saying it is healthy, I am just saying they’re getting something from it!
Maybe it is a need to be right, to be better than the other, to prove they are good and the other person is bad, to feel in control, or even to protect themselves from being hurt again. That last one is actually an oxymoron because the only person they are really hurting is themselves.
It IS a Choice
For myself, I get to choose, and I choose to be free from all of the old beliefs, past events, and any poor decisions that I or anyone else made that impacted me in a negative way.
When they happened (way back when), I would allow them to rob me of one of the most precious things I have in this world…my limited time on this earth!
I’m just not willing to give that power away to any one person or any one event. I will not allow anything to steal one more second of my precious time here on earth.
That said, working through those events and learning from those experiences helped me to get clarity on the person I want to be and who I don’t want to be. I’m just not willing to allow it to define who I am today.
It was an event…it isn’t who I am.
Yes, forgiveness can be a prickly topic, but at some point, you have to let go and set yourself free!
