“We only see what we want to see; we only hear what we want to hear. Our belief system is just like a mirror that only shows us what we believe.” ~Don Miguel Ruiz
Why I Write…What I Write?
People often ask me where I get my ideas for what I write about. I write about trends and themes that I observe or hear about that impact leaders and/or companies across a broad range of industries. It is not only in the corporate world, it is with non-profits, institutions, political sides, or anywhere leaders and leadership exists.
That said, if someone reads something I write, and it resonates in either a positive or negative way, that causes them to self-reflect, than that is the point of my writing! In a sense it is about waking people up to see things in a different light.
Hell On Earth
In his book, The Four Agreements, Don Miguel Ruiz states that when we negate Agreements 2 and 3, we are creating real problems for ourselves. They are:
- Agreement 2: Don’t Take Anything Personally.
- Agreement 3 Don’t make Assumptions
He goes on to say that when we dishonor both of these agreements, we are creating our own personal hell on earth. I couldn’t agree any more.
The problem is that as a society, we have become so self-centered and self-absorbed that we believe the world revolves around us! We have come to believe that anything anyone does is being done to us. We not only assume it is about us, we take it personally as well, as if they were assaulting our very being.
It is analogous to thinking the person that cut you off on the freeway this morning, woke up knowing that you would be in that exact same spot, at the exact time and were out to get you!
The truth is they don’t even know who you are – you are just the person in that car at that time. But you assume they did it to you.
Again, you and I are simply not that important!
Whose Driving The Bus?
At times, I get the sense that some of us are like teenagers on social media, basing the number of likes they get from a post and correlating the number directly to our sense of self-worth and value. When we do this we are seeking our worth from external things. Things we have absolutely no control over. It is an exercise in futility, a Sisyphean task, and even though it is impossible…we still keep pushing the boulder up the hill.
Trust me, I am not perfect by any means, at times I get trapped in this self-centered mindset, thinking it is all about me. The good news is that now, I come to the realization that I am stuck much quicker than I use to in the past. It used to be months and weeks, now it is days or even hours. It is a process, eventually it will be minutes.
During those times I have to gently remind myself that I (my true self – the person I strive to be) has stepped out of the driver’s seat and has allowed my ego (fear) to takeover and drive the bus.
For me, this is a sure-fire recipe for an accident. It won’t always happen immediately…but it will happen eventually! I need humility to remind me that I am not the center of the universe nor am I that important!
Striking A Nerve
My job as an author, coach, and speaker is not to make everybody feel warm and fuzzy. My job is to hold up a mirror for you to see yourself if you ask, or are a client of mine.
The truth: sometimes people don’t like what they see.
Instead of owning it, they deflect, dumb-down, shut-down, exit, get angry, or even retaliate (think Putin and the oligarch’s who are mysteriously dying after they lick a toad)
If I write a blog about arrogance, ego, self-centered or unconscious leaders and deep down inside that stirs you, maybe that is a place for you to take a deep long look at yourself. It could be the most incredible invitation to grow!
If someone or something bothers you, it might be helpful to ask yourself 5 questions to become more self-aware.
5 Questions You Could Ask Yourself:
- What is it specifically about this person or situation that is bothering me so much?
- What is my judgment about that person or situation?
- How is my judgment of them, more about me?
- Is there anything about me, I do not want to see?
- How would I want to be treated by others if they thought these things about me? Judgment? Forgiveness, Empathy? Condemnation?
As it pertains to question 3, please know that you can only project your own thoughts and beliefs onto others. What you project onto others says more about what is in you than in them, even if it is a part you don’t want to admit having.
I Write What I Write
A very wise man once said, “There is nothing new under the sun!” I am not writing about anything new, the issues I write about have been discussed or written about for thousands of years. Maybe I can present them in a different light or with a different twist, but it is nothing new!
If someone doesn’t like what I write, I might invite you to ask yourself the 5 questions above, before you simply dismiss it.
I will continue to write about trends and patterns I see in leadership and in people. My hope is that it will cause a lightbulb to go off and you will wake-up or see something in a whole new light.
If it does the opposite and makes you mad please remember – the intention was to shift your perspective!
Until next time!