“A moment’s insight is sometimes worth a life’s experience.” ~ Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr
(This is Chapter 19 in its entirety from my most recent book, Extraordinary Results For Life, it will guide you on how to get extraordinary insight in yourself!
GO TO THE MIRROR, BOY!
I might be dating myself here, and yet I think this analogy is strikingly accurate. Back in the late 1960s the British rock band, The Who, released their fourth album entitled, Tommy. It was billed as a rock opera and tells the story of a boy whose mother convinces him that he did not see his father (returning from war) killed in an altercation with her lover. Young Tommy sees this, but his mother convinces him that he is deaf, dumb, and blind. The mother spends most of the movie taking Tommy to various quacks and characters who promise to return him back to normal.
At one point they take him to a doctor who says all his tests were normal. “His eyes can see, his ears can hear, and his lips can speak.” The doctor goes on to say that he can do nothing and that “all hope…lies within him!” There is one point where the doctor shouts (sings), “Go to the mirror, boy!” The doctor stands him in front of a mirror so he can see himself and a breakthrough ensues. He now sees, feels, and unlocks the key to his awakening. How? By seeing his reflection in the mirror! He is awakened!
So what does this have to do with extraordinary insight? Everything!
For us to truly grow, we need to have the ability to see ourselves as we truly are. However, while most folks love to see their positive traits, most folks do not like seeing the not-so-positive ones. So what do we do? We simply create a way to get rid of them!
Projection is a defense mechanism where we take a part of us that we
don’t like (i.e., our arrogant-self, selfish-self, or our untrusting-self, etc.)
and project it onto someone else.
For example, if we look at someone and say, “What a self-centered person,” while there may be a hint of truth in that statement, the full truth is that we, at times, are self-centered as well. The fact is that we don’t like it, so we try to rid ourselves of the feeling by projecting our self-centeredness as far away from ourselves as possible.
That concept might be shocking to you. But being conscious of this fact can be incredibly insightful to the areas where we need to develop ourselves. If we fail to pay attention to the feedback of what we project onto others, we miss an opportunity to gain extraordinary insight into ourselves.
If you want to live a truly extraordinary life you must be willing to embrace all of you, not just the great parts. How else can we move beyond the self-inflicted obstacles we place in our very own paths? The willingness to see all of us, our greatness as well as our not-so-greatness, is just another key to unlock the door to our extraordinary life.
The challenge is that this shift requires a significant change in how you navigate through this world. It requires the humility to see ourselves as we really are and to be open to embracing all of us. This is not something easily done, especially if your sense of self-worth and value is derived externally. Whether based on the approval of others, how much money they make, or the toys or the house that possesses them, being externally wired for self-worth and value creates an identity that is quite fragile. This limits a persons’ ability to embrace all parts of themselves, especially the negative traits.
Much has been written about owning our not-so-great parts that are often referred to as our shadow. For a more in-depth look at this concept, I suggest a book by Robert A. Johnson, entitled, Owning Your Own Shadow.
SEEING MORE OF YOU SO I CAN SEE MORE OF ME
While all this talk about projection can be construed as a complete downer, there is good news about projection.
Projection is a two-way mirror, meaning that if we trust the idea that people are mirrors for us, they can also reflect to us our great traits too! Projection gives us insight into our whole self—all the good and the not so good!
Here’s how it works. Write down answers to the following:
- Name a person you truly admire.
- What is it about this person you admire most?
- List at least five characteristics or traits you love about this person.
The interesting fact about this exercise is that those characteristics are just a reflection of the characteristics within you! In fact, the things you wrote down are more about you then they are about the other person.
The question is: Do you believe it? If so, are you truly bringing those characteristics to light and embracing them. Or do you sweep them under the carpet for fear of being arrogant or self-centered?
Yes, what we project on others may just be a mere image of ourselves that we ignore, or it just might be a mirror image revealing one more aspect of your path to living an extraordinary life!
Either way, it is something worth reflecting on.
P.S. Want More? Listen to it or Read it here…
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