“To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.”  ~ Lewis B. Smedes

There is a popular saying which states, “Forgive and forget.” While that sounds simple, it isn’t always easy!

Sometimes, horrific things happen in life that are caused by the actions of others. These situations can be quite difficult to forgive the offender. And yet, it has been proven that forgiveness even in those horrendous situations, allows the victim to set themselves free.

Other times, situations arise and we wonder, how in the world could anyone possibly be offended or wronged by such an insignificant thing?

Is it me or does it seem like in today’s world people get offended by the most trivial of things?  Whether it is a slow moving 16 year-old taking an order at McDonald’s, a speech delivered by an opposing political party, or the presence of a statue.

I often ask myself why, why are people so offended? My belief is that they believe they are the center of the universe and everything that happens in this world is a personal assault on them, even when what the other person did or said has absolutely nothing to do with them. They seem to search for reasons to justify their pseudo-victim mentality even if they have to lie to themselves and others.

Law & Order – The Head Game

Over the years I have had situations unfold where I felt wronged and instead of letting it go, I kept replaying the situation over and over in my head trying to justify why I was offended. It played out like a criminal court scene from Law & order. I play the judge, the jury, and the prosecutor, in a courtroom where we are on trial and the verdict always ends with the other person being  guilty as charged and I slam down the gavel!

Sometimes, what prevents me from moving on is the rush or exhilaration I get from proving that I am right and they are wrong or that feeling that I won and they lost. In almost all cases, my unwillingness to forgive others is tied up in my pride and my ego. And when my pride and ego are involved and I have to attempt to inflate my sense of self, I am positive that it is coming from a low level of my self-worth and value.

You see sometimes, our sense of self-worth is impacted by beliefs that we were imprinted with by what someone (parent, sibling, relative, ex-spouse, teacher) did or said to us a long time ago. Maybe, the message was that we were no good or not good enough, and we can’t seem to shake those old beliefs. So we stay stuck because we don’t believe we deserve to be free, happy, or loved.

Forgiving Yourself

And then there are those times when the person we need to forgive most is ourselves. We made a poor choice in the past, a few bad decisions along the way, or we harmed ourselves or another person, and for some reason we just can’t forgive ourselves. We hold onto the belief the course for our lives was set when we made that decision and it can never be changed.

Regardless of the situation or reason, it is the lack of forgiveness for ourselves and others that keeps us stuck. The crazy thing, is that some of us are holding onto old beliefs and ideas that are not simply not the truth! They were untruths passed onto us from others who were simply struggling with their own self worth or value.

Yet, like trained circus elephants who have been tied to a stake for years, when the ropes are removed, offering them freedom, the animals choose to stay in the same area as if they are still tethered.

They believe what they were trained to believe, I can’t move beyond this point, I don’t deserve to be happy, I don’t deserve success, I am a failure, It’s not safe to take risk, I will get hurt again, and on and on and on and …

Is Forgiveness Holding You Back?

So here’s a few questions to ponder:

• Do you need to let go of some past hurt caused by an event that you had no control over?
• Do you need to forgive someone for a past hurt based on words or an action they took that you are clinging to so you can continue to be right and make them wrong?
• Do you need to forgive yourself for a past mistake, failure, or a bad decision you made, that has you tethered by an invisible rope that only you can cut?

Yes, forgiveness is not always easy, sometimes you need to realize what something is costing you before you are willing to let it go.

So let me ask you this, is there anything worth holding onto that is costing you your freedom or peace of mind?

Maybe you should ask yourself, what is my peace and serenity worth?

And that my friends…is completely up to you!

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Until next time…