Your ability to fly is determined by your ability to remove the self limiting obstacles(beliefs) from your path. The fewer obstacles in your way…the higher you will go! ~Joe Contrera
You’ve heard it…on television, in the news, at your office, your church, the HOA Board meeting, even your kid’s volleyball game!
People complaining and blaming everyone and anyone for their short falls, failures, and unhappiness. It is as if we have become a society of whiners and complainers blaming everyone else for our issues instead of taking responsibility and owning the results we are achieving in our lives.
Welcome to Paradise!
A short time ago I moved into a 55 plus community after spending 3.5 years up in Northern Arizona needing to be in a place of solitude. After spending a great deal of time alone, I craved community and I thought this would be a great place to go.
Most of the folks here are of the baby-boomer generation, meaning they are between the ages of 62 and 80. This is the generation known for optimism, being family-oriented, having high discretionary incomes, and advocates for the environment. They also experienced fast changing economic times filled with periods of great growth which allowed them to accumulate significant wealth and so you think they would be fairly happy.
And yet, sitting at dinner in our restaurants or attending a board meeting you get an opportunity to listen to what I see as the biggest bunch of whiners and complainers I have ever experienced. They have been referred to as the “me” generation and they believe they are the center of the universe. Honestly, there is less whining at a pre-school when they are told it is nap-time, than the HOA board meetings in my development!
Blaming Others
Recently, the General Manager sent out a second email explaining to folks that we were repaving some of the streets and to be patient and although it was a short-term inconvenience, it would make our community even better and protect home values. They had already given folks a heads up that this was happening and to be patient.
Why did he have to put out a second notice asking folks to be patient? Because people did nothing but complain about how they were personally being inconvenienced for a few days.
Why is it that people cannot see past their self-centeredness even when it benefits them in the long run?
And it is not just the Baby-Boomers…it is Gen X, Gen Z and Gen Alpha, everyone believes they are entitled to have the world revolve around them and their needs. It is an epidemic and it has become far worse than Covid-19 because it tears at the very cultural fabric that made us such a great country.
Trust me, I am not naive enough to believe that this self-centeredness gene is something new, it has been with us since the beginning of time. But for some reason Covid-19, the onslaught of Social Media platforms, and the 24 hour news cycle have come together to create this self-centered, “It’s all about me” perfect storm!
External Factors
I believe the reason many people are unhappy is they fail to look at themselves, most importantly their inner beliefs that guide their behaviors and emotions and in the end, the results they are experiencing in life.
Instead they point to and blame the external factors. These include: other people, the government, their parents, boss, childhood, the president, the HOA board, the Chinese, my partners best friend, my family of origin, the neighbor’s dog, anything and everything except themselves.
The myth is that they believe they can control these external factors or get them to bend to their desires by whining, complaining or blaming. The truth is that the only thing they can bend or change is their internal beliefs (their thoughts) which drives the overall level of happiness they have in life.
The way out of this conundrum and back on a path towards happiness is to first come to the realization that you are creating your own obstacles.
Self-Imposed Obstacles
Self-imposed obstacles can show up in any number of different ways, as I mentioned previously, most of them originate from our internal thoughts and beliefs.
Some of these beliefs we acquired along the way based on our experiences or choices we made in life, others may have been imprinted upon us from our interactions with others throughout our lives.
The key is to make sure we eliminate any of these outdated beliefs that are creating our self-imposed prison of unhappiness.
10 Self-Limiting Beliefs
Below is a short list of 10 self-limiting beliefs (obstacles) that could be blocking you and preventing you from achieving the level of success and/or happiness you desire:
- Believing that your past automatically determines your future.
- Believing that your unhappiness is being caused by external factors and not your internal thoughts!
- Believing that there is not enough abundance in the world and you must take from others to have enough for yourself.
- Believing those old, worn out lies that were handed to you as a child. Beliefs like, “You will never amount to anything because you are not __________ enough or your too _________ (fill-in-the-blanks).”
- Believing that other people know what is best for you (this includes any social media influencers, Hollywood, the government, the church, etc.)
- Believing that you shouldn’t ruffle any one else’s feathers so it’s best to play small to keep the peace.
- Believing that you must play the cards you were dealt for the rest of your life (hey, if they can change decks in Vegas…you can change the deck you were dealt…you just have to change what you believe).
- Not taking 100% responsibility and ownership for the results you are achieving in your life.
- Believing that you are responsible for someone else’s obstacles, self-limiting beliefs, happiness, or emotional stability.
- Forgetting that you are extraordinary and powerful beyond measure…yes you are amazing and everything you need is within you!
When we don’t succeed it is easy to point our finger at something else and say… it was not my fault, it was someone else’s fault that I…lost, looked bad, didn’t deliver, or didn’t win.
It takes a courageous person to own that the reason they are not succeeding or happy is due to their own self-imposed obstacles.
Zig Ziglar once said that “It is your attitude not your aptitude, that determines your altitude.”
Let me just say in the spirit of Zig, “Your ability to fly is determined by your ability to remove the self limiting obstacles(beliefs) from your path. The fewer obstacles in your way…the higher you will go!
So what altitude are you cruising at these days?
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