“Sometimes you need to experience what you don’t want, before you can get clarity on what you do” ~Joe Contrera
The gift of misalignment (experiencing what you don’t want) can be what leads you to gain clarity on what you do and help you achieve your goals. .
Sometimes, we need to experience the pain or uncomfortableness of being out of alignment in an area of our life, so we can push ourselves to make the changes we need to get realigned with ourselves, our values, or what we want.
It can be a new job, a new career, a geographical move, or the beginning or end of a relationship. Usually, it’s an area of your life that isn’t working and hasn’t for quite awhile.
So, how do you know if you’re out of alignment in a particular area of your life? Below are a few ideas to help you gain some clarity…
7 Indicators That Tell You You’re Out’ve Alignment:
- Your working extremely hard and your desired outcome isn’t coming or is nowhere in sight.
- You’ve exhausted all of your ideas, resources, and energy, and things are still not working out the way you thought they would.
- You find yourself laying awake at night going over the court case in your head to convince yourself why YOU simply need to buck up, try harder, or accept this level of unhappiness, discontentment, or hardship.
- You lie awake in bed at night blaming others for your unhappiness or why the situation shouldn’t be this way.
- You’ve felt stuck, in a rut, or just plain unhappy, for at least 6-months or more and nothing is changing (especially you)!
- You repeatedly rationalize why you don’t deserve better, just need to accept your lot in life, believe that nothing will ever change, or you feel hopeless.
- You have dreamed, fantasized, or discussed making changes for longer than 6-months, but you’ve taken no action to move forward, you just keep rehashing your sad story over an over.
Reality Check: You are 100% responsible for the results you are achieving in your life. You just need to get clarity on what you really want and then take action!
When things are not going as planned, you can label them a being bad or you can use it as a guide-post to help you gain clarity on what needs to change.
If you are consistently or repeatedly experiencing any of the 7 indicators above, take the misalignment and use it to guide you back into alignment it to achieve the results you desire.
Below is a simple 5 Step process to help guide you.
The 5 Step Process to Get Back in Alignment:
- Review the situation from the perspective of what the misalignment is (identify it) and how it is showing up or negatively impacting your life (what is it costing you). Write it down.
- Write down what it is that you DO want that IS in alignment with who you are and your desired outcome (Be careful on the wording here, remembering to only focus on what you want, not what you don’t).
- Ask yourself if what you want is achievable with this person, in this situation, in this culture, in this relationship, at this company, etc.
- If the answer is yes, write down specific actions to take to you get back in alignment. In other words, make the change, have the conversation, decide, etc.
- If the answer is no, write down the specific actions you need to take to MOVE ON! Either let it go and don’t bring it up again or literally remove yourself from the situation. Only now you will be moving forward more determined and purposeful with a the sense of clarity and focus.
Letting Go, Moving On…
Sometimes moving on and letting go means you walk away from a person, a position, a company, or a career, or a place that was in alignment at one time, but no longer is. Sometimes it simply never was. And sometimes we change or the situation changes and we need to move on. Other times the people or situations don’t change, and so we need to let go.
Wallowing in a situation or rehashing facts to prove you’re right or to rationalize the situation can be an extraordinary waste of time. The longer you stay out of alignment, the longer you keep yourself from creating the outcomes or results that you want.
The paradox here is that sometimes the only way you can get what you want is by experiencing what you don’t…and that can be a good thing!