“Perfectionism is the belief that something is broken – you. So you dress up your brokenness with degrees, achievements, accolades, pieces of paper, none of which can fix what you think you are fixing” ~ Edith Eger
Driven By Perfectionism
Many of us we’re taught to pursue perfection. We were imprinted with the belief that perfectionism was achievable if we would just try hard enough, work long enough, or be good enough.
Please don’t get me wrong here, I am not saying we should not always strive to do or to be our best. What I am saying, is that measuring yourself against the unobtainable, the impossible, or the unachievable is futile.
Perfectionism, usually has a direct correlation to how a person perceives their level of self worth and value. People, especially leaders, who tie their self-worth and value to external factors can either end up putting themselves into a downward spiral or a stairway to arrogance.
10 Potential Traps of Perfectionism:
- The level of perfection they believe they have achieved ( in their own minds).
- The results they achieve.
- The results they don’t achieve.
- What everyone else thinks of them.
- How smart they believe they are and try to prove it to everyone.
- How right they are and need to be (I refer to these folks as S.P.I.T.R.’s – The Smartest People in The Room)
- The material trappings: how much money they make or how many toys they have collected.
- Leaders may try to over-control or micro-manage.
- Some Leaders may nit-pick on small insignificant details to a point of driving the talent away.
- Some leaders may take the creditor make themselves look good at the expense of their colleagues or their people.
What they fail to realize at times is nothing will ever be enough, never enough money, likes, sales, cars, houses, profits, degree’s, etc.. Why? Because the hole they are trying to fill with external things is really an attempt to feel whole so they can feel full-filled is insatiable. In other words it can never be filled with outside things because self-worth and value is an internal job.
For some folks this never-enoughness can create an under-lying level of dissatisfaction, unhappiness, or even boredom. We may to overcome this dissatisfaction with ourselves by striving for perfection even harder, or any of the 7 trappings listed above.
Projection: One Giant Life-Sized Screen
When folks are dissatisfied with themselves they can turn to a defense mechanism called projection. It happens when we take the dissatisfaction with ourselves, our lives, or our situation and project it outwardly onto others. And while it may provide temporary relief, it is fleeting. Why? Because we are only treating the symptoms, not the dis-ease. It is just a matter of time until we have to continuously project it outward and away from ourselves onto bigger and bigger screens.
We see this every single day in the news, in Washington, at work, at home, all over Social Media, and on television. People who are disappointed with themselves, unhappy with their lives, blaming everybody else for their problems, instead of taking 100% responsibility for their issues and their unhappiness.
They file lawsuits, attack people verbally while their friend video tapes it to post on Social Media. These are just some examples of peoples inability to take responsibility for themselves, their actions, and their lives. It is all about them and they could care less if other people are harmed.
If you ask me we have a serious integrity issue in this country.
An Integrity Issue
I have learned that integrity, is not about staying on the straight and narrow path 100% of the time. It is not about perfection, about being perfect, or acting perfect ,every single minute of every single day. After all, we are human, even it seems we have all forgotten that we are human, we make mistakes…we are not perfect!
Integrity is about the actions you take, the things you say, when you’ve made a mistake, stepped off the path, and need to get back on the path to make it right. Regardless, of how painful it may be or how you may be perceived.
And the only way I know to do that, is stop blaming others for your issues, your problems, or your unhappiness and realize that it is not their problem, IT IS YOURS!
However, there is a path out…
Until you’re ready to humbly accept that:
- You are not perfect.
- Expecting others to be perfect is just your projection of your own inner unhappiness in an attempt to seek temporary relief .
- Your unhappiness will never be resolved by blaming others, you must address your own unhappiness from within.
- Living a life out of integrity will never make you happy, it will only keep you spiraling further downward, where you may eventually reach a point of no return.
Until you are willing to accept these ideas, you will simply continue to be miserable and make others around you the same.
Looking for a path out? Click here!
Want to read more about the problem and causes of perfectionism? Click here!
Until next time…
