“Don’t Take Anything Personally. Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality (not yours).” ~Don Miguel Ruiz
Are You Taking Things Personally?
Nearly 30 years ago author Don Miguel Ruiz published his ground-breaking book, The Four Agreements.
In his book he wrote that taking things personally (Agreement #2) along with making assumptions (Agreement #3) when combined was the equivalent of creating your very “personal hell on earth!”
In a time when everyone seems to take even the slightest inference personally, his words are even more true than they were nearly 30 years ago. We are literally creating hell on earth both personally and publicly.
When Leaders Take Things Personally
As a leader, when you take things personally you are creating path to a personal hell for everyone in the office…including yourself! Why?
Because taking things personally is a symptom of much deeper issues…being self-centered and having low self-esteem. How?
When you take things personally it means that you believe you are the center of everyone else’s world. You believe that what they do (or don’t do) is directly related to you, your authority, and your sense of self.
As if you were that powerful?
Giving Away Your Power
It gets worse, when you allow the actions of others to control your emotions (and thus your re-actions) you are saying, “How I feel will be determined by what others do or say.”
When what others do and say determines how you feel (angry, sad, disappointed, happy, etc.) you are in for a roller coaster of a ride. Typically, downward with a few highs and lows in-between. It is simply a way of giving your power away to others.
The cancel-culture is the perfect example of this concept in action. They think by cancelling out what they don’t like, agree with, or offend themselves with, that it empowers them. Actually it weakens them because they are constantly giving away their locus of control.
That said, if you find yourself taking things personally here are 5 things you can do to break the cycle.
5 Actions To Stop Taking Things Personally:
- Remember it’s not about you…you are not so powerful that you can control others. You only control your own thoughts and actions.
- Read the 4 Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz
- Remember IT’S ABOUT THE BUSINESS – Being a leader is about growing the business and getting results. It’s not by controlling others…it’s about helping them reach their potential and the best version of themselves which will equate to their highest level of productivity. Being a leader isn’t a popularity contest nor is it a venue to work on your issues.
- Take an Emotional Intelligence (EQ) Assessment. Taking things personally might be an indicator of a low EQ, specifically in the dimensions of low self and social awareness. But don’t worry you can increase your EQ. If you’re really interested in learning more about this email me here and ask for more information on how to find a valid assessment (there is a lot of junk out there).
- Reclaim Your Emotional Remote – Practice Mindfulness Training – While there are a number of avenues to do this, meditation is probably one of the most well-known. Meditation can teach you to insert space in between the stimulus and your response. You cannot rid yourself of all stressful situations but if you take back control of your emotions you will have less stressful situations in your life.
Is it Time To Change?
Some of us were programmed at a very early age that what we said or did determined whether others approved of us, liked us, or thought we had value.
Some of us learned we were responsible for the emotions of others, and if we were just good enough, perfect enough, or said the right thing, we could make them happy and then they would love us.
If we bring these old beliefs into our leadership we end up taking things personally and in the end we create a personal hell for ourselves and our people.
Maybe it’s time to change all that?
